Manisha Koirala in Memoir

Manisha Koirala in Memoir

The beautiful actress has again expressed herself through memoirs in Healed. The actress has stunned us by her beautiful expressive acting skills and the book that has her feelings penned down from her rise to stardom, to the perils of stardom, to getting into alcoholism, fighting with cancer and much more. The book Healed: How cancer gave me a new life; published by Penguin Random House India is in the market and is a good read.

She had it all looks, money, name, fame, awards and blockbusters, friends who were there to party with her anything that one could desire for. It was a life that can only be desired and she lived it every moment.

However humans are complex and so was she, when she had the best of everything she went through a very strange complex feeling, soon she started the misery of existence, she was devastated and wretched.

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During the shoot of Laawaris a release in the year 1999, she got the pressure hitting on her. The non-stop work schedules were taking a toll on her emotional and mental well being. She confided in another actress Dimple Kapadia that the entire aspect of getting up, putting make up, going for shoots and returning back completely drained and exhausted and being always on the go was getting on her nerves.

She did not realize until it was too late that her life had gone in the downward spiral. She felt withdrawn from the privileges that life that bestowed on her. The work that was her passion till date was now the most hated thing. Expressing so much of emotions and performing roles had become taxing. She felt like a robot who was changing the settings of her state of mind and face with the mere sound of ‘ Light, Camera and Action.’

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The pressure was immense and to handle the increasing pressure it was note easy she hated being on her toes being a workaholic with no vacations, no freedom to have some me time. It was a feeling that can be expressed in words like,  “I became tired of the relentless pattern of my days—wake up, shower, put on make-up, work, come home, remove makeup, sleep. I think I felt the final snap at the point I was acting in twelve films in a year.”

When in a beautiful location to shoot she wanted to enjoy the location but could not do so as all she had to do was get ready for another shoot and all this was drowning her. Rather than enjoying the beautiful locations she had to memorize the lines and deliver it to perfection, there was constant pressure that was pepping up to her bones and she became toxic.

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She did not have the sense to balance and this was the worst of her enemy. Many told her that she is either working or partying but then there has to be a balance and without balance its all waste. She gave into alcohol to numb her feelings, and she said

“To take my mind off shoots, to numb myself, I started drinking. If I was on a diet, it would be vodka. I remember my ex-boyfriend once telling me that I had no sense of balance.”

the work that was her life was now killing her and she became grateful towards her life and made all wrong decisions. She chose films that were not even worth of being considered just to satisfy her ego. She just wanted to be the center part of the film irrespective of what the script is or who the Director was.

It was only when she was reliving the past in a hospital in New York, while getting treated for cancer she realized her mistakes and decided to get back on track.

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